You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
