Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
