I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I smell like Dick and happiness
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
