...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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