is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
