so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
