You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
