I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
