I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
