Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
