last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
