Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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