I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
