the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize