He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I intend to get homeless drunk
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Randomize
