I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
