So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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