i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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