I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
