Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
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