just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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