Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
