like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
