how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
