shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
