The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
