Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
