if i can run in heels then i can drive
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You are the jesus of drinking
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
