I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
