Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
