At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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