She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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