After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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