I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
