I've blown a few things in my day
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am one with the molecules
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
