i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
