In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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