I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize