between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize