she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
