i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
