im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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