I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
