there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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