I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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