Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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