One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
