My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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