capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
