If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
