Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
