is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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