Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
