Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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