just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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