im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
