The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
