In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
