remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize