May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
