Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
